I recently had a conversation with a friend who admitted wishing he could hang up his testicles at home, so he can work in public spaces in peace. Apparently in some men, an attractive woman sitting next them in a cafe is enough to drive them to distraction. What a horrid curse to live with! Women simply pop a Lindor truffle to chase away the beast, but men have no alternative to sex…except perhaps cocaine, so I am told. 

Women have had various devices to replace the living penis for ages. There are tales of cucumbers, and various materials fashioned into dildos well before the vibrator came along in the nineteenth century. In fact many women need a vibrator to complete the job their partners fall short of. It’s not intended as an insult, just crossing t’s and dotting i’s. How is a man supposed to know that erogenous zones travel, let alone where to determine its trajectory?

When chocolate and other substances fail, a women will employ a device to tame her pituitary gland. Work must be completed undistracted. So a mocha is a good shot between the eyes. With this ability, there is no wonder so many women have developed great advances in a wide variety of fields? Pity so many of our accomplishments have been appropriated by men who refuse to hang their balls at home. Claiming credit in order to attain power which in turn attracts the females sitting next to them as they pretend to work on their laptops in cafes.

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